Sanity and Me

My eyes looked around the room of nothing
And your mist dwell over its grounds
Fear mellowed in my knees as you passed by
Something burst to intimate blush

Living like this is me enthroned
To supposed fantasies with us invoved
Silenced by your presence
I crawl into my closet of desires
Wanting you to wear my infatuation
And for a moment feel my compassion

Imaginations of impossible events
Kept me alive with thoughts we will survive
Though your existence is my default joy
It's still useless when cold hands grips mine

Pain profusely bounded my heart
As you stare at me evidently
With clueless eyes your world surrounds me
The look of dying sanity
Ripping my hopes apart.

I hate boys

Whatever, for one whole week I stayed at home with nothing to do but sleep, wallow, chat online and eat.

I'm profusely bored with the existence of nothing to do!!! What is left but my wallet being out of cash because of my retarded idiot head and my cellphone with no load.

This is not my day...

Boys

I still cry, completely dumb faced
My thoughts swell of nothing but fear
Something struck me with intense gravity
That pulls me down under my skin
I tried to forget, to bury the reminiscing
But everywhere I go, tears won't stop to pause

Deep within the dark chambers in my heart
I needed someone to rescue me from my regrets
Because I regret giving it all
That I forgot to love myself
And when memories haunt me
I wallow in grief
As I know things won't go back
To the way they used to be

~dedicated to the dumbest most arrogant boy I ever known~

I'm heartbroken

It's already 4 pm and I haven't eaten lunch yet.

His body floats inside my room. The scent of his arms and neck...hushes me with tenderness.
Memories...those crazy memories haunts me over and over again.The love I feel for him shuts my fears off. My care strangles him with a passionate kiss.

But all turned blur...

He swept me away to conclusion...the infinite glow of his love went away.

The last look, the last touch of his cheek to mine, even the lollipop on his mouth (our favorite flavor), ALL GONE.

In just one second...he disappeared. The red shirt he wore... and the 4 months we had...

my bestfriend

I hate goodbyes...

I hate parting ways...

But after my Dad and brother... another special person leaves me again. She's migrating in US and it will take lots of years before we meet again. I can't imagine my life without her. She saved me so many times when I needed a hero.

For nine years we've been together through the best and worst times.

And now, we'll be living separate lives on our different worlds.

I won't be able to call her early in the morning just to piss her off. I won't be able to drop off her house and hang out with her eating our favorite street food. I won't be able to talk three hours on the phone without being bored. I won't be able to share my Daniel Radcliffe wildest fantasies.

....and the list goes on...

I don't know what will happen to the both of us. Will we stay best friends after long years of waiting?

I know the only thing that I could hold on to is our promise to be BFFs...
Like Spongebob and Patrick...

I wish you all the best Joey!
Be a good girl...well, as far as I know you're not but at least give it a try? ^^

stomach plus thanks

errr...I really love this skin, thanks to Sky Angel..you rock..wish I could make nice skins too..

maybe someday...

anyways, I'm home alone today...and I can't get myself off the Pc...

err, what the heck, life's back to normal and things will get a little rough in the upcoming weeks...
I'll be off to college...weirdly, nerds all around me and I dunno how to handle it. But who cares, I don't have to compete with them since my number one competitor is myself. Have to focus and make my grades soar up so high...(makes me soooo scarreeed!!)

(consumed two cups of coffee a bite of marble slice bread and it's lunchtime already I haven't cooked my food yet...
oh well, better have noodles instead...)

Goodbyes and Hellos

It felt like as if...sadness erupted in my heart. As I saw my brother enter the taxi cab this morning. He'll be leaving us again. For six long months he'll be away from me and mom. Singapore will be his destination. Like my Dad, he'll be off to work far away from home, just to keep up with the expenses and give our family a better life.

Here the opportunities are so scarce. You'll be so lucky if you can earn the salary that could satisfy all your needs. And the last resort would be to leave off to another country where there is more to offer. Yes, there's the big amount of money earned each month but the sacrifice of being alone for a long period of time is the killer.

My brother spent Christmas and New Year alone in his workplace. He said that people don't celebrate Christmas there that's why the sadness of not having to enjoy with us puts him into tears. Even me and my mom didn't enjoyed the past Christmas either. That was our first holiday without the two men in the family not around. It was a sad day, full of sleepy thoughts and loneliness. We just attended mass and went back home gripped by the lonesome mood in the house.

Imagine the pain that it causes to millions of families like us here in the Philippines. Many sacrifices to be made and children to leave behind. Yeah, life will get better. You'll get to buy just about anything you want. And finally be able to be happy with a well furnished life...

But all of it is worthless, when your family is not with you.

I admire my Dad and brother so much. They raised me well with mom. Spoiled me sometimes to things they didn't had the chance to experience and have when they are young. But they're not with me ... they're so far away.

(tearsssss...)see ya bro this Christmas!